That chapter has ended, and now it's just You and me, Lord.
That chapter taught me a lot about myself, but it also revealed that You have so much more to show me.
That chapter showed me that I am beautiful and a special treasure.
But that chapter also revealed that I need to daily understand that You see me as beautiful, and not look for that satisfaction in anyone else.
That chapter taught me just how important communication is, and how without it, you're walking on shaky ground.
That chapter taught me that a relationship based on physical attraction will leave you broken hearted and unsatisfied.
That chapter taught me that I should not try to fit into a mold that I was not made to fit.
That chapter revealed that I still deeply struggle with the desire for control.
That chapter revealed that I was fighting for my fleshly desires instead of fighting for You.
That chapter showed me characteristics to look for in a Godly man, but revealed that that is not my missing puzzle piece and nor am I his.
That chapter, even though it was not perfect, showed me what a relationship centered around You looks like.
That chapter showed me that the man You do have for me is far better than I can even dream.
That chapter showed em that I deserve to be treated like a princess.
That chapter showed me that I have a lot of spiritual maturing to do before I am ready to enter into another relationship, or become a wife and mom.
That chapter showed me how critical it is to pray without ceasing, and seek Your will in everything.
Thank You for the lessons You taught me in that chapter, but I am ready to turn the page, and now it's just You and me, Lord.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
Taking Away
Oh wow, it has definitely been awhile since I have ventured onto my blog. The Lord has brought me through SO much since than, but I will bring you to where I am now. Basically, He is teaching me to CLING to Him with all of my heart, all of my mind, all of my soul, and all of my strength. Here recently, my strength and energy have been at their lowest points. I have been exhausted from working, taking part in VBS and VBX at my church this past week, and other circumstances in my life. However, the Lord remained faithful to me by providing the strength and energy I desperately needed to continue to love on the kiddos in a way that I never could have done on my own. Thank you, Jesus. In the past few days, my world has been rocked and taken a turn I did not see coming. I do not understand why the Lord is taking me through this hard time... I am confused, I am frustrated, I am hurting, I am sad, but I am CHOOSING to cling to the Lord's love. In these moments when my flesh is trying to tell me that the Lord is against, I remind myself of Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." I may not understand why the Lord is bringing me through this trial, and it may not make any sense to me, but I know that He will never take me through something that I cannot handle without Him. "I can do all things through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13 Key words there are "THROUGH HIM"... I have to recognize that I cannot overcome this trial on my own, I NEED Jesus. Only He can mend my heart, and show me that He is my One True Love and the ultimate Pursuer of my heart. So often, I fall into the trap of wanting to fix things on my own, but I have to release the desire for that control. The Lord wants to take that weight off of my shoulders... He does not want me to bear that burden. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7 In times like this, it is very easy to give into the flesh and allow the Author of Lies to creep in and tell us that the Lord does not have our best interest at heart. However, Jesus is sweetly and tenderly revealing to me just how deep His love is for me, and giving me the strength to tell the Author of Lies get out of my head because my God is bigger and has already overcome any of the problems I face. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." -James 4:7 If someone were to ask me what the Lord is teaching me right now, my answer would be: "He is teaching me that He truly does give and take away, and even though I do not understand why the Lord is taking away right now, I know that He is still sovereign and He has a greater plan for my life. Just like Ecclesiastes 3:1 states, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..." I trust that the Lord knows what He is doing, even though I may not be able to see it clearly. In this time in my life when the Lord is taking away, He is refining my heart and revealing to me more of His character. I feel like He is asking me, "In this season of taking away, are you going to choose to still bring me glory?" Yes, Jesus, I choose to trust in Your plans for my life and choose to glorify Your name through it all. You alone know my heart, and You alone are worthy to be praised. "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." -Job 1:21
Jesus, even though I do not fully understand what is going on, I thank you for this time of refining and drawing me closer to You. As You tenderly continue to reveal Yourself to me, I am falling more and more in love with You. I am trusting that in Your perfect timing You will bring clarity to this trial, but if for whatever reason You do not, I know that serves a purpose as well. Because ultimately, You know my heart better than anyone else, and You know exactly what I need. For now, I choose to cling to You! "'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'" -Jeremiah 33:3
Friday, July 29, 2011
A Brief Journey to Cusco/Machu Picchu
Wednesday (7/20): As we walked off the plane in Cusco, we were greeted by our old friend the SUN!! :) We had not seen the seen since we had arrived in Peru, so we gladly embraced the suns warm rays. Clear blue skies and mountains as far as the eye could see – thank you Jesus for this beautiful welcoming!
Upon arriving to our hotel, we were given cups of cocoa tea (which helps the altitude not affect you as much) and slowly walked up to our rooms to rest for a couple of hours. After lunch, we traveled about 20-25 minutes to an all-boys orphanage called Jesus Mi Luz. We were led to la biblioteca (the library) where Giuli told the story of Hermie the caterpillar, then Jeanne and her told the Gospel story using colors of ribbon which we would later use to help us make mariposas (butterflies).
While we were coloring and creating mariposas is when I was introduced to one of the cutest little boys I have ever laid eyes on. When I asked him how old he was, his answer changed from cinco, nueve, siete, to seis, but I am pretty sure he is cinco. :) Meet my sweet little Toni.
Thursday (7/21): The alarm clocks went off around 5 AM and in about 30-45 minutes we began our adventure to Machu Picchu. After a 20 minute van ride to the train station, 3.5-hour train ride, 30-minute tour bus ride up the mountain which involved a handful of near head-on collisions with tour buses coming down the mountain and being scared by how close we were to the edge of the mountain, we finally arrived at our starting point. Our tour guide was booking it up endless amounts of stairs and steep inclines, and so when we stopped at resting points we were all out of breath because the altitude is a killer. However, the long day of travelling and not being able to catch out breath was worth once we got a glimpse of this…
Friday (7/22): This morning, we were only able to spend a couple of hours at the orphanage because we had to grab lunch and get to the airport in time to board our plane around one. While we were at the orphanage, we played elbow tag with the boys and then taught them how to play baseball. We even had time to play an actual game – they caught on fast and they absolutely LOVED it! Watching them laugh and smile when they themselves or a teammate hit the ball was such a joy :) Even though our trip to Cusco was very short, I would not have traded it for anything!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
You are Enough
Oh Jesus, I know you are here, but I feel so alone right now... so incredibly alone. I know Your Word says, "I am not alone, for the Father is with me" (John 16:32), but why can't I feel Your presence?! Lord, lead me to some scripture to where I will feel Your arms wrapped around me, and I will know You are by my side.
Maybe You are teaching me something greater than I am allowing myself to see right now. You know I struggle with confiding in earthly people instead of my Heavenly Father. Maybe You have brought me here, away from everything going on back home, so as to strip away everything to where I HAVE to completely rely on You and Your Word alone. Nothing else.
Purify my heart of all negative thoughts so that I may SEE YOU! I want nothing more than to see Your face shining through this darkness. "The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light." -Romans 13:12
Jesus, please allow Your Holy Spirit to break me from Satan's stronghold - I am not strong enough to do it on my own, I need Your help! Satan is trying to tear me down and fill my head with LIES about how You have deserted me. I refuse to believe the King of Lies! I REFUSE! Rid me of this darkness and fill me with Your light! I know you have promised us trials and tribulations here on earth, but I have been in this pit for long enough. This is my cry Oh Lord: "They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever." -Revelation 22:4-5
Dear Jesus, I am tired of being a "couch potato Christian." I desire to be used by You to bring glory and honor to Your name, for You are worthy of ALL praise. You deserve so much more than what my life has offered You thus far. Lord, I want my life to imitate Your ways and glorify Your sweet name. It's the least I can do for the One who gave EVERYTHING so that I may live. I am not called to live a "normal" life by the ways of this world, no, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I am called to be an alien of this world - someone who is not afraid to go down the narrow path of life. Oh Lord, in the midst of this darkness, make me a light for the nations, so that Your salvation may reach to the end of the earth (Isaiah 49:6).
Lord Jesus, You are ALL I NEED!
No one else could ever take Your place.
I love You with ALL that is within me.
I praise Your wondrous and Holy name.
You are enough.
Amen.
In the Father's Hands
As we were sitting outside of the boy's home listening to Giuli tell the final part of the story about Joseph and his brothers, a sweet little boy came crawling into my lap. I sat there holding him and kissed his forehead over and over again, wanting him to know that he is loved. After we sat there in complete contentment, breathing simultaneously, I placed my hand out in front of him and with out a second thought, he placed his little brown hand in mine.
Even though I wanted to stay there holding his hand, we had to say our goodbyes. The only thing that got me through it, was remembering that everyone single one of those precious children are in the hands of our Heavenly Father.
"My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand."
-John 10:29
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thank You, Jesus
This week, we have spent our days at a home called La Sagrada Familia, which is the place I met my sweet little Carlita, in the birth to 3 year old room, last year.
Carla is one of the sweetest little 2, now 3, year olds I have ever met! Each day I saw her last year, she would come running towards me with open arms. Every time she smiles, my heart melts a little more. I could look into those deep brown eyes for hours and hours.
Earlier this week, Giuli asked us if we had any expectations coming into this month, and I said no because I am extremely bad (or good) at comparing things so I wanted to come with an open mind and heart ready for God to work in whatever way! Well, this week brought to the surface an expectation I did not even realize I had... On Monday, we were not able to go to the babies room because we were painting the 4-6 year old boys rooms. However, we did go on Tuesday only to find that she was not there, but Guili told me that she was in the 4-6 year old girls room when she came here last month. So, I still had high hopes to see my precious little Carla again. When we walked into the 4-6 year old girls room later that afternoon, I found myself constantly looking around for my deep brown-eyed little girl. I asked Giuli where she ways, and she asked one of the other little girls where Carla was, and she told her that she had left the home. Immediately, I felt myself sink into sadness, but I had to hold myself together for all the other sweet girls vying for hugs and kisses.
Later in the evening, when we were back at the hotel, I pulled up pictures of Carla, and tears just started streaming down my face. I am selfishly sad, but genuinely happy for her because she is now back with her family. This is a crazy mix of emotions that I have never experienced before. That night, I prayed so hard for God to ease this pain in my heart and replace it with joy. I truly believe He answered my prayer the very next day through another precious face, who could seriously pass for Carla's little sister...
Thank You, Jesus for placing this sweet little baby in my path and for blessing me with the opportunity to hold her and play with her. She is the little angel You sent to ease my heart. :)
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